The Great Mistake

Parenting a toddler is hard. Yes, it’s fun and exciting, but it’s also really challenging at times. We do the best we can and hope she won’t require too much therapy as an adult.

Right now Abby is on an “all by myself” kick. This is a phrase we hear 50 times a day. Of course, she only wants to do something ALL BY MYSELF when we are in a hurry to get out the door, but if it’s a time that my hands are full or William is crying, she is suddenly incapable of doing even the slightest thing without assistance. She’s so smart and can express herself so well that we sometimes forget how young she is, and we have to remind ourselves to be as patient as possible.

We’re dealing with a lot of change in our house and in many ways, we thought Abby was handling it really well. But we may have taken her generally good-natured attitude and adaptability for granted. I knew that we needed Abby to move from her crib to the twin-size bed in her bedroom when we returned to Tbilisi with William. I have no interest in buying a second crib and at almost 3, it didn’t seem like it would be a huge deal. I had also toyed with the idea of taking away her binkies at the same time, but while we were in Ohio we discussed it with friends and thought it might be too much transition at once. We started talking to her about giving them up when she turned 3 and that seemed like a good plan.

However, she latched on to something I said BEFORE I had thought this all through, the idea that she could not have binkies in her big girl bed. So when we returned to Tbilisi and really started talking up the move from her crib, she would say “and no binkies!” and we just rolled with it. I didn’t do any of my normal research or weeks of agonizing over what to do. We let her lead the way, and when she proclaimed one night that she was ready to sleep in her big girl bed and give up the binkies, we thought Okay! Great idea, kid!

And so began Night 1 of the Dark Days. That first night was tough but I know from other parents’ experiences that it could have been worse. It was just really difficult because she regretted saying she was ready, but we felt that we had to commit to the change. Night 2 was great, and I smugly thought the worst was behind us and wanted to pat myself on the back for how well it had all gone. But the nights and naps since then have been hard, and I’m afraid it’s not getting any better. Our wonderful sleeper is now afraid in her room and struggling with separation anxiety. Despite Abby loving the owl nightlight we borrowed from a friend, or the addition of 35 stuffed animals in her bed, it still hasn’t made a significant change. No amount of cereal and chocolate for breakfast is helping her go to bed without crying and now I’m crying at night.

It’s not just limited to night time. She’s had some epic tantrums the last few days, the likes of which we haven’t seen in many months. I know in the big picture it’s only been a week, but right now I can’t see the big picture and I’m really sad and feel like we made a huge mistake. We’ve had some moments of levity, like the other night at dinner when JR was explaining to her why she couldn’t have a treat after she ate. He told her that our actions have consequences and the way she acted had a direct correlation to how we responded…and right as he said the words “direct correlation” he looked over at me and we started laughing at how ridiculous that sounds talking to an almost 3 year-old. Pretty sure that concept is a bit advanced for Abby.

Basically, I think we made a mistake by forcing too many changes at once. Not only with losing her crib and her binkies, but Abby is adapting to a new baby at home, less attention from her parents, and being back in Georgia after spending almost every day with her Nana for 3 months. It’s too much and I have serious regret about it. Her binkies bring her so much comfort, and while it seems that she has grown up so much recently, the truth is she’s still very young and in need of that comfort and reassurance. We don’t know if giving them back to her is right call. It’s been a week, maybe the worst is behind us, and has all this turmoil been for naught if we throw in the towel now. But all I can think is that we are trying to teach her that people make mistakes and when we do, we should try to correct our actions. And I think we – actually me, since I led the charge here, I messed up.  The binkies are coming back.

If she goes to kindergarten with a pacifier in her mouth, I’ll have this blog post to look back on fondly and remind me of yet another parenting mistake!

 

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