Three!

Another year has passed and we are now the proud parents of a three year old. Abby is funny, kind and very talkative (she must get that from her Dad). We think she is exceptionally smart and beautiful, but we’re probably biased. She makes us laugh all the time. When she is in trouble and we threaten to take something away, she has a killer pout and will immediately say “but ___ is my favorite!” You can insert literally anything in the blank and if we’re saying she has to listen or we’ll take it away, it suddenly becomes her favorite thing ever. When she sees us watching her about to do something she shouldn’t, she’ll say “Don’t look at me, okay?”

She loves singing and making up songs, usually a variation of something from Daniel Tiger. We’ve been dealing with a little bit of separation anxiety when I leave for work in the morning, so our solution is to talk about it. That’s what she asks for each morning before I go, “can we talk about it?” We sit on the stairs and I remind her that I have to go to work, but that I’ll be back at the end of the day. I say “why will I come back?” And she will sing the Daniel Tiger song “Grown ups come back, at the end of the day, grown ups come back.” The best part is she recently added “to see little girls” at the end, and now we’ve made a big joke as she adds a few more lines “to see little Williams, and Abigails, and little Sopos.” It’s adorable.

She loves William and plays with him gently about 90% of  the time. We have to remind her that he is little, but mostly she sings to him and says things like “It’s okay William, sister is right here. You don’t need to cry buddy.” Here’s a video of her singing to him that makes my heart explode.

We had been talking a LOT about saying goodbye to the binky again (round 2.) We had two different tactics, one was trying to get her to agree to throwing them away and being ready, and I was also secretly poking holes in them before bedtime. Per the internet, if you poke one or two holes and gradually increase the amount of holes in the pacifier, it loses it’s effectiveness and kids just don’t want them anymore. So we started doing that, but then one night Abby was being particularly difficult about bedtime and I called JR upstairs for reinforcement. He found me outside of her room furiously stabbing holes in the pacifier as if it was a voodoo doll. “What happened to gradually?” he asked. I just glared at him.

After deciding to throw away two of them a few days earlier because they were “broken”, on the morning of her birthday she threw away her last one. She didn’t cry, although we did offer her chocolate as a temporary distraction. Bedtime that night was really rough, and the second night was still pretty bad although better than the first. On the third night Sopo put her to bed because we were out to dinner, and of course she went to bed without so much as a peep! Bedtime is still a bit of a struggle for us, but I feel 97% sure we’re done with the binkies. No, make it 90%.

We celebrated her birthday twice, the day of and with a party this weekend. When she woke up on Wednesday (her birthday) she called out from her room “Is it my birthday? When is it going to be my birthday?” I went in and reassured her that it was in fact her birthday and now she was officially three. She requested chocolate chip pancakes so we went downstairs to make them together. JR put together her big gift from my parents the night before, a Paw Patrol tricycle, and she was so excited to see it waiting for her downstairs. We felt like we’d given her a pretty great birthday morning, but then Sopo arrived and put us to shame!

The funny part is her stating at the end “That’s not a bone cake!” because for a long time she has repeated her request for a Paw Patrol bone cake with sprinkles. I visited a bakery here with a picture and hoped for the best. The baker did not speak English, but I had Sopo on the phone trying to translate for me and the bakery also had an employee who spoke English helping us. Whatever was said worked because I could not believe how perfectly the cake turned out! Now, it was about three times larger than I pictured, but is too much cake really a bad thing?

We lucked out with perfect weather for her party and enjoyed the afternoon celebrating with friends. The best part of all was my sister, Jamie, arriving early Sunday morning to make it in time for Abby’s party! Thanks to everyone who celebrated with us from near and far!

The Great Mistake

Parenting a toddler is hard. Yes, it’s fun and exciting, but it’s also really challenging at times. We do the best we can and hope she won’t require too much therapy as an adult.

Right now Abby is on an “all by myself” kick. This is a phrase we hear 50 times a day. Of course, she only wants to do something ALL BY MYSELF when we are in a hurry to get out the door, but if it’s a time that my hands are full or William is crying, she is suddenly incapable of doing even the slightest thing without assistance. She’s so smart and can express herself so well that we sometimes forget how young she is, and we have to remind ourselves to be as patient as possible.

We’re dealing with a lot of change in our house and in many ways, we thought Abby was handling it really well. But we may have taken her generally good-natured attitude and adaptability for granted. I knew that we needed Abby to move from her crib to the twin-size bed in her bedroom when we returned to Tbilisi with William. I have no interest in buying a second crib and at almost 3, it didn’t seem like it would be a huge deal. I had also toyed with the idea of taking away her binkies at the same time, but while we were in Ohio we discussed it with friends and thought it might be too much transition at once. We started talking to her about giving them up when she turned 3 and that seemed like a good plan.

However, she latched on to something I said BEFORE I had thought this all through, the idea that she could not have binkies in her big girl bed. So when we returned to Tbilisi and really started talking up the move from her crib, she would say “and no binkies!” and we just rolled with it. I didn’t do any of my normal research or weeks of agonizing over what to do. We let her lead the way, and when she proclaimed one night that she was ready to sleep in her big girl bed and give up the binkies, we thought Okay! Great idea, kid!

And so began Night 1 of the Dark Days. That first night was tough but I know from other parents’ experiences that it could have been worse. It was just really difficult because she regretted saying she was ready, but we felt that we had to commit to the change. Night 2 was great, and I smugly thought the worst was behind us and wanted to pat myself on the back for how well it had all gone. But the nights and naps since then have been hard, and I’m afraid it’s not getting any better. Our wonderful sleeper is now afraid in her room and struggling with separation anxiety. Despite Abby loving the owl nightlight we borrowed from a friend, or the addition of 35 stuffed animals in her bed, it still hasn’t made a significant change. No amount of cereal and chocolate for breakfast is helping her go to bed without crying and now I’m crying at night.

It’s not just limited to night time. She’s had some epic tantrums the last few days, the likes of which we haven’t seen in many months. I know in the big picture it’s only been a week, but right now I can’t see the big picture and I’m really sad and feel like we made a huge mistake. We’ve had some moments of levity, like the other night at dinner when JR was explaining to her why she couldn’t have a treat after she ate. He told her that our actions have consequences and the way she acted had a direct correlation to how we responded…and right as he said the words “direct correlation” he looked over at me and we started laughing at how ridiculous that sounds talking to an almost 3 year-old. Pretty sure that concept is a bit advanced for Abby.

Basically, I think we made a mistake by forcing too many changes at once. Not only with losing her crib and her binkies, but Abby is adapting to a new baby at home, less attention from her parents, and being back in Georgia after spending almost every day with her Nana for 3 months. It’s too much and I have serious regret about it. Her binkies bring her so much comfort, and while it seems that she has grown up so much recently, the truth is she’s still very young and in need of that comfort and reassurance. We don’t know if giving them back to her is right call. It’s been a week, maybe the worst is behind us, and has all this turmoil been for naught if we throw in the towel now. But all I can think is that we are trying to teach her that people make mistakes and when we do, we should try to correct our actions. And I think we – actually me, since I led the charge here, I messed up.  The binkies are coming back.

If she goes to kindergarten with a pacifier in her mouth, I’ll have this blog post to look back on fondly and remind me of yet another parenting mistake!